Shit happens! and how do you feel when it happens? definitely not on cloud nine, but wreaked. Do you undervalue yourself that time? or hold yourself high up in dignity? Usually you and me fall under the prior category and this is what I want to address today in week 10.
And it usually happens when we least expect it. I’ve had a lot of shit happen to me but I’m not gonna go through much detail about them. Look, I’m not here to take sympathy cards. I am here to share some lessons I’ve learned to stay on top, not just cope, but even come out better!
- It’s not Permanent
When shit happens it’s all good to feel like crap at first, it’s a normal reaction. Just remember, being defeated is a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent. The good news is nothing lasts forever and unfortunately that is also the bad news. It’s a cycle and has to turn with its ups and downs. Its like the stock market, invest when the price drops and book profits when the price rise. Similarly learn from your mistakes when life throws lemons and enjoy the lemonade when peace resumes.
- Perspective is Priceless.
It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you frame it. Your outlook is a direct reflection of how you see yourself. Whether you treat yourself as a piece of shit or decided to step away and move forward is a matter of choice. Self blame , self pity…. yeah for a few seconds, cry it out if that helps but raise yourself from the dungeon asap. Stop being harsh on yourself.
- Creativity is a Must
When shit happens, it breaks your day to day routine. Instead of moping around and feeling sorry for yourself, focus on what you “can do” rather than what you can’t. Getting into the solution mode changes focus and thus changes perspective. I recently missed filing for my visa application,why? not because my papers were not in order or I got late for the appointment, but because I left my passport at home. Yes passport! SHIT. I went through both point 1 and 2 and then settled at rescheduling the appointment. And viola now I have new dates at hand. I took this entire episode as a learning lesson and yes now i am writing and sharing what I learned too. Creativity gives new hopes.
- Be Relentless
“I don’t know how” translates to “I don’t want it bad enough.” It is a poor excuse. That tells me you want more but you’re way too comfortable to do anything about it. It reminds me of the story of “The Fox and the Grapes“,where the fox called the grapes sour only because he could not reach them. To admit, I did the same, I cancelled my plan to travel to USA at some point in time,but soon realized how stupid I was to do it. To travel or not to travel is the decision that can wait, visa needs to be sorted first. And now I am taking one day at a time.
- Stop over Reacting
All I want to say is that don’t think too much. Thoughts that wire together fire together. One thought leads to two and then to few and later to many often over complicating a simple situation.When brain cells communicate frequently, the connection between them strengthens. Messages that travel the same pathway in the brain over & over begin to transmit faster & faster. With enough repetition, they become automatic. The more these negative thoughts loop, the stronger the neural pathways become, and the more difficult it becomes to stop them!
- Stay in company of people who matter
The last thing I want to hear when shit happens is how crappy the situation is. I need solutions, not sympathy. I need people to kick my ass and tell me “Hey, it’s all good, don’t worry about it.” When I told my husband about this, he was surprisingly calm and said “Shit happens, but don’t worry we will take care of it”. And my sister said “To err is human and you are improving”. Though these words did not change the situation for me, but definitely gave me support.
See, shit happens and and will happen again, only in a different form (ie when you have learned from your mistake). Taking one day at a time and switching on the sunshine every time helps to sail through. The sooner you enter the fire fighting mode the saner you will be.
To achieve this one must be OPEN TO LEARNING.
Listen to your heart and follow the mindful practice mentioned below. Practice it until you become comfortable not perfect in it and keep the process going.
Will explore other options in maintaining and boosting self esteem in the coming weeks. Until then, happy learning.
Happiness and sunshine.