“You are such a mean mother, I hate you!”
“You don’t wear branded clothes?”
“Agra, how middle class, we went to Switzerland for our holidays”
Well, you cannot blame rude behaviour or back answering entirely on the child alone. We assist them with countless distractions that they have forgotten to value their own words. Conversations are fast replaced by gadgets and greetings to emojis. We have forgotten to talk ourselves and as a result our kids have underdeveloped social skills. Either we have become too cool and practical and think that speaking my mind is not a crime however harsh it may be or we don’t understand the fact that our words can be both healing as well as destructive to another being or beings. This is where the Pineapple analogy came to my rescue.
KIDS NEED TO LEARN THAT THEIR WORDS MATTER.
The pineapple analogy is a simple way to teach your kids when they’re being too sensitive and end up hurting their own feelings and how to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. Kids don’t automatically know how to treat others. Part of their child development is simply learning how to navigate their world, and what is socially acceptable.
And, I find that it’s most important when you’re talking about the social environment in your own home. Family can hurt us the deepest it seems. Why is it that we often treat others inside our home worse than we would treat those outside our home?
“Treat others like they have skin like a peach, and try to remember when words are said toward you to have a tough skin like a pineapple.”
I also think this analogy is a great segue to talk about bullying with our kids. Obviously we never want out kids to get picked on. It’s important to understand why kids bully, and we can help our kids understand that most kids aren’t mean. They are hurting inside from something else. Deep down, they are probably sweet, too.
One of the best parts of this pineapple analogy is that you can teach your kids that both fruits are soft, sweet, and juicy on the inside. Our outsides are very different. Some people have a really thick skin, and some people are more fragile and can’t take hurtful words as easily. That’s why it’s best to treat everyone like a peach, and try hard to be like a pineapple ourselves. Because inside, we’re all good. We all have the potential to be sweet.
THE GOAL OF THIS ANALOGY ISN’T TO TEACH OUR KIDS NOT TO FEEL
The goal isn’t to teach our kids that their feelings aren’t valid. It’s more about teaching them that while they have every right to feel the way they do, there are two lessons we can learn from most situations that hurt us:
- We can always try to be more kind, because our words DO matter and
- We can always try to turn the other cheek, put on the skin of a pineapple, and forgive when others hurt our feelings.
Remember, have skin like a pineapple!” or “Treat others like they have skin like a peach!” Either way, I hope more than anything they’ll understand the important lesson behind it.
Let them know that the display of emotions is totally fine, but what they need to practice is how to tackle difficult times mindfully and find a solution without hurting the feelings of others. Connecting before correcting, and choosing to respond to a calamity rather that reacting is the key.
Because finally your words totally matter.
Think of a situation where you could have behaved differently and showed empathy. Replicate a peach and stop being a pineapple next time.
Happiness and sunshine 🌼