5 tips to keep disagreements healthy.

 

When a 1 year old baby whines for your attention and does not let you be free, that’s  not dis respect , it’s child instinct.

 When a 3yr old, cries for a toy , it’s not considered disagreement , it’s child like.

When a 5 yr old disagrees to go to school, that’s not disagreement it’s a phase.

But when a 10 yr old, doesn’t listen, that is disrespect.

When a 20 year old, refuses to listen to his parents , that is also disrespect.

When a 40 year old disagrees with his parents , they take it as disrespect too.

So when does disagreement become disrespect and why? What changes so drastically in a span of 5 yrs?

A child is expected to whine and cry for attention so it is accepted and agreeable to parenting.

But when the same child turns 10 or 20 or even 40 then he or she is not expected to disagree with your expectations and hence becomes disrespect.

Mind you these are your old school expectations which feeds on experience . Please don’t get me wrong , experiences do count but give the younger self a chance to explain their point of view before passing judgement .You talk of new age business but don’t want to accept the new generation, their values their sentiments.

So what really goes wrong? Why does it hurt? And more importantly What does it hurt? Does it hurt you as a parent? Maybe not , after all they are your children and you forgive them. But what you cannot forgive is your EGO. Because any disagreement then hurts your EGO.

Now the question to ask is , Is this EGO important over and above your child’s feelings? Should this ego be given the liberty to hamper relations?

Or, should it be kept aside for evaluation? Maybe bring it up after listening to your child.

Or, should there be no ego? Fully accept your child’s wisdom and act as a moon guiding him or her whenever asked for.

All I want to say is, to put forward a point does not mean by any chance disrespecting or disobeying the other. It is about learning different perspectives or looking at different solutions to the same problem. There is no right or wrong here. What seems right to you may seen wrong to the other, so it is not a battle between two people but between two perspectives. 

“When there is love, there is no EGO”

Disagreement and disrespect are different. If you disagree with an idea, it does not always mean that you are being disrespectful. You can disagree with someone without showing disrespect. You can disagree with an idea politely. You can say if you think an idea is wrong. You can say what you think. Your opinions are important too. However, this does not mean you can be rude. You can disagree but you have to be careful about their feelings. It is always wrong to insult others or their opinions. Just as your thoughts and feelings are important, everyone’s thoughts and feelings are important too. You may choose to disagree and still be on the same page with the other.At the end of the day DISAGREEMENT is acceptable but not DISRESPECTING.

These 5 tips can help keep disagreements constructive when talking with anyone.

1. Don’t make it personal. If you get upset, it can help to remember you’re mad at the idea or concept your parent (or friend, coach, coworker, etc.) is raising, not the person.
2. Avoid putting down the other person’s ideas and beliefs. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of someone’s tirade or put-downs, you know how valuable using respectful language and behavior can be. So instead of saying what you might be thinking (“That’s a stupid idea!”), try: “I don’t agree, and here’s why.” Resist the temptation to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments and you’ll have a much better chance of getting your point across.
3. Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Using “you” statements can sound argumentative. For example, telling your mom or dad, “You always remind me about my chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework” has a very different tone from “I’m feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?”
4. Listen to the other point of view. Being a good listener is a way of showing that you respect and understand the other person’s perspective. That makes it more likely he or she will do the same for you. When the other person is talking, try to stop yourself from thinking about why you disagree or what you’ll say next. Instead, focus on what’s being said. When it’s your turn to talk, repeat any key points the other person made to show you listened and heard what was said. Then calmly present your case and why you disagree.
5. Stay calm. This is the most important thing you can do to keep a conversation on track. Of course, it’s a huge challenge to stay calm and rational when you feel angry or passionate about something — especially if the person you’re talking to gets heated. You may need to be the mature one who manages the conversation, even if the other person is a parent or someone who should know better.

Not all disagreements can be resolved immediately. Some need more time. Other may never be resolved because of enduring differences. In this case, agree to disagree and shake on it. At the end of the day, the people at the other end of the conversation are far more important than proving you are right. Disagreements are a part of everyday life. Learning the fine art of disagreeing without disrespect can make life flow a lot more smoothly.

I hope this post helps you the way it has helped me clear my differences. Be mindful and you will make a change. All the best folks !

Happiness and sunshine:)

Nidhi

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